Her Hands
by angyl-devyl
Summary: This is what happens when i don't sleep. Chals thoughts and musings on what happened between her and Rogue in Shinigamiphoenix's "Dark Roses" go read it and find out more War themes and Child Death, you have been warned.
1. Knot one : Initial Fears

Heya to everyone that started reading this... I went over it and nearly died...I do apoligise for having to repost but this new format should would out better.. and I've actually slept this time so things might make a lot more sence. I tend to be rather vague when I'm tired.

So let me try again...

Welcome one and all to some Chal Angst YAY..!... well.. ok.. im excited... this is a little fic that is set between the few chapters of ShinigamiPhoenixes "Dark Roses" Fic. Which by the way is BRILLIANT and if you haven't read it then you are missing out on some amazing writing. She is FANTASTIC!

The fic itself is Chals thoughts since the end of "Dark Roses" chapter 19. The final thoughts come into play before The Roses take out the agency stronghold. Its was a little long to be posted as one fic so its been broken down into managable pieces.

I hope you enjoy

Angyl/Devyl (i am the same person its a mood thing)

-

Her Hands

-

She hates me,

That's all I can come up with,

Rogue hates me,

And I understand why.

I used her,

Like everyone around me used me when I was younger.

I give her everything she needs to compensate her,

Anything she asks for is hers

Weapons,

Computers,

Houses,

Cars,

Anything.

Money is no object for me.

Any price, anything.

She hates me.

She hates me for something that I made her,

She hates me because I did what had to be done,

Charles and I called all the shots at the start of the second battle,

Spent long hours talking,

She hates me for doing what any other leader would have done.

Rogue was always a force to be reckoned with,

Maybe that's why I rang him...

-

"Rogues reaction was to be expected." the calm voice of Charles Xavier cut through Chals Office. She had called him after Rogue and the Roses made it clear she wasn't needed. She didn't know who else to call, Xavier's reaction had been harsh, he hadn't wanted Rogue to know.

"She had been kept in the dark for years, it's understandable that she's pissed off'. But I never thought that that kind of blinding rage flowed through her system. She is so caught up in her own inner battle; she can't see she's beginning to fight the people who are on her side. I am on her side. Can't she see that? Does she even know what her side is any more. So caught in her little battle, her vengeance..."

"I was never one to support vengeance." She was cut off by his voice coming from the speaker again. Calm but with an edge of something she couldn't identify.

"Well that's what she wants. Rogue wants vengeance against the agency. Vengeance against those that killed mutants and vengeance against me. What I did, I did for mutants and humanity as a whole. I still work for people that need help, bridging the gap..." Again Xavier cut her off. He sounded angry. Something Cathryn had never heard in his voice. He always sounded disappointed. But this time it was definite anger in his voice. It scared Cathryn.

"Shhhhh Cathryn. No more speeches. All you are is the money. Your opinions, though noted, should be kept in your head. No one else needs to understand what you're doing or why you're doing it. Just shut up and give them the money they need. You're not a fighter or a leader; you just hand over the cash when it's called for, and stand back if anything else happens. Keep your head down and the cash flow up." the voice coming through the speaker was harsh and not as the voice of the man she had once known. Xavier had become twisted since Scott was executed and Jean had been found. He had pushed everyone to their limits. Chalice was more than ready to snap.

"That's all I have become? The funding for her war? Not that Rogue started it. But it seems to revolve around her. Her and the Roses, The followers of a great general. Xavier, Rogue is cracking under the pressure. I can't pretend I know what she feels, or what she's going through, I can't because I'm not in her position, I'm Not making the decisions, we're not calling the shots any more. I'm just the bankroll for the entire operation." she hung her head realising that this was exactly what Xavier had intended from the start.

"Now you're getting the idea."

-

Admittedly it's my fault that Rogues in this position,

Charles and I hand picked her from everyone else,

Then it was up to me to make sure she became what she now is.

Ironically one little incident decided her fate.

Pushing Mystique off a cliff,

No remorse.

Charles said it showed that she had the moral fibre of a killer,

That she could be honed into the perfect leader for his resistance.

Something that was needed,

When we knew that Mitchell wouldn't stop.

I went to Charles,

We spent many hours milling it over,

Looking at everyone,

Rogue just kept popping up,

I think maybe Charles had already decided,

He just wanted some one to bounce the idea off of.

I agreed with him,

There was no other way to do it.

After the decision was made,

It was up to me to do what Charles needed done.

He was calling the shots for Logan and Scott,

Calling more and more mutants to him everyday.

When the agency finally attacked the institute,

There were over sixty mutants under his guard.

Rogue alone got out.

I still cry when I think about it.

Sebastian always said that crying was a weakness.

Aren't I allowed to cry for those, for who no tears have been shed?

-

"CATHRYN...?" The young girl looked up from the microscope at the man who walked into her lab. He wore only black and stood with his head held high. She sighed.

"Yes Sebastian. What can I do for you?" He looked at her in worry; the war had taken a toll on even him. All the money in the world didn't stop the FoH and the agency from breaking into the Halls of fire and killing every mutant there. Seeing the worry in his eyes Cathryn allowed her heart to soften to him, he had obviously just heard something terrible and was seeking reassurance. "What happened?" Sebastian allowed a solitary tear to roll from his left eye, "Xavier is waiting on the phone for you. His institute was attacked last night. All dead. He said that the Rogue was on its way." she stood stunned, letting her brain absorb his words.

"What?" As Cathryn ran to the phone for confirmation she turned back to her uncle, the very image of defeat, he realised they were coming for him soon. On his knees with his head bent he allowed long pent up sobs to wrack his body. Cathryn allowed the door of the lab to close, she had always liked being alone when she cried.

-


	2. Knot two : Denial and Despair

Mwahahahahahahaha me again. thought I'd post two chapters. This one is short, be warned. Its Short. The second knot (hey why call it a chapter when knot sounds intriguing?) is sort of denial, sort of comparison.. definaly comming to terms with some things. Enjoy, Read, Review, and Thank You in advance.

Angyl/Devyl (again.. mood based.)

-

Her Hands

-

I wasn't always like this.

Weak.

Though Rogue has taken it upon herself to fight on behalf of mutants everywhere,

She doesn't understand that others are there.

Fighting along side of her.

And they still are.

Everyday.

Others lived through the first two wars,

Between humans and mutants.

Others have killed to keep people they love safe.

Others have loved and lost.

She is not the only one left alive out there,

The only one who can't go on feeling?

Everyone around her has dead eyes.

As if their feelings have been switched off.

Deep dark eyes full of nothing,

Completely neutral.

As if they already died,

But the body isn't yet accustomed to the idea.

-

"People talk about peace." Cathryn had been arguing with Sinister for the better part of the day, it amused him when she talked about the world above ground and it kept her from going insane.

"What an interesting notion. I suppose they'll invent the wheel next." Sinister was a sarcastic debater at the best of times, now it seemed that all mutant kind was being threatened he was not only sarcastic he was bitter, twisted and cynical as well.

"Peace. Just think about it Nathaniel, a chance for mutant and humans to live as one. For al the fighting and killing to stop." Sinister grinned, remembering that compared to him Cathryn was still an idealistic child growing up in a world that would use her for what she knew and fear her for what she was. He decided to humour her.

"I don't think I can remember when there was peace in my life. Humans are always fighting something. Normally each other, with some petty argument that they can't let go because it's only human nature to take it to the highest level." Sinister leant back as Cathryn though about what he had said. She smiled at him.

"You're wrong about it this time. Charles Xavier and others like him will keep this peace. Humans know that mutants arête going to sit down and take the abuse this time. The peace will stay." there was hope in her eyes. Blinding hope. It shone there but sinister had learnt a long time before that if you let you young remain hopeful, when the world came crashing down it crashed a million times harder.

"Cathryn, this peace won't last four weeks. The Humans who hate mutants won't care if a few hundred humans are killed. If it purifies the human race of mutant DNA. You know this, just think about it." With that he bid her goodbye. Sending her above ground. Secretly hoping that she was correct. Cathryn never had a chance to think about it though. Four weeks after, as sinister predicted, the fighting broke out again.

-

Guess that's one good thing about being here.

In my office,

The finest things surrounding me.

And they don't mean a god-dammed thing.

They don't cover up the blood shed.

They don't block out the cries of the dying.

My bathroom is pure white.

Yet every time I walk in,

I can still see the blood spattered across the tiles.

My blood,

Mixed with his.

We've all lost someone in this war.

Rogue has lost so many people.

So of course she doesn't want to get close to anyone else.

No wonder she hates me.

I helped turn her into a killer.

I gave her the means to acquire whatever she needed.

So she could kill.

Adding more bodies to the burning pyres.

More dead eyes to haunt the living in their sleep.

More pain for those that are still capable of love.

And a reason to continue the war for the bloodthirsty.

For those that wish revenge.

The ones who were there when the humans fought back,

When mutants started falling,

When...

-

cliffy hey... gotta love them... the next knot will be along soon.


	3. Knot three : Systems Failing

ummm... Im not sure what this Knot is. Mainly angst. When i got to writing this part I'd just watched something on the holoucast. So with that fresh in my mind I got busy and tried to imagine what war would be like. Thats something I wish no one had to expeeriance in their life time so it was hard to capture and i don't think i got it quite right... but oh well... I dont think i really wanted to...

Devyl

-

Her Hands

-

(Remains of a transcript of a recorded session between Dr. Cathryn Tear and Psychologist Dr. Hector Maine found in the burning ruins of the Mutant Pitt. Transcribed by persons unknown.)

"The death of an adult in the middle of a war zone is a horrific sight. There is blood, there is nothing Hollywood about it. Not even "Saving Private Ryan" quite captured the moment." _The voice young female and southern. Defiantly Cathryn's no emotion is given away in the voice, it is simply there._

"If you knew the deceased?" _the shrink sounds crisp and confident. A young man who has no idea what he is about to unleash._

"A tiny piece of you crumples. You lose another part of your heart, and you fight twice as hard as before, So you don't end up the next body." _again nothing in the voice, it is cold and emotionless_. _Almost as if she was reading from a text book_.

"You were fighting in the mutant wars then?"_ he pushes with this question, as if his whole session relies on getting her to admit that she did kill humans. Maybe he is a purist and wants to make her life harder. I don't know though it seems he got a reaction._

"I wasn't fighting with adults, I wasn't fighting. I wasn't allowed to fight!" _Finally an angry response. She yells at him. Each statement louder than the last._

"Why is that?" _he sounds surprised, as if he wasn't expecting this. As if she was a killer that he was trying to convict and was disappointed to hear this._

"Logan pushed me up against a thick part of the barracks and kept me busy reloading weapons."

"and what was that like?" _he sounds defeated, as if she has deflated his hope that he found a criminal of war._

"Men rushing back and forth, the sound of gun fire, ten maybe twenty feet from where we were. Mutants and some baseline humans who believe in our cause. Everyone there had seen enough bloodshed and fighting in the first battle, their eyes accustomed to the death around them, not everyone there was ready to block it out. It was unfair." _all the anger gone now. Back to her original flat tone. _

"Why was it unfair?" _he presses again. (Note: this guy has balls)_

"They were children. Young eyes, impressionable eyes, wandered into the wrong place." _Non comically, just stating the obvious._

"The wrong place?" _Again he is pushing, as if he has finally made a break through._

"Gun fire, Smoke, Screaming, No place for children. Logan was screaming for someone to get them out. Four of them,

All under the age of ten. Three boys and a girl. Dirt streaked their tear stained faces, flinching at every sound. Each shot fired.

They didn't understand what was happening, for a while either did I."

_(End of transcript, the rest was unreadable bar a few words. war, blood, and child)_

-

The fighting had broken out in the middle of the street.

On a busy day in the open-air market.

I'd been down there,

Shopping for fresh fruit and things for the club.

I waved at Logan,

He was there with some of Charles students,

We were all happy that the fighting had stopped,

Baseline and mutants shopped and laughed.

The blood shed had ended four weeks previously.

Mutants and Baseline humans finally off their tenterhooks.

The people that wanted to keep the war going had been rounded up.

Smiles, laughter, the mood was infectious.

My first thought was "we don't have to destroy her life"

Charles and I had talked about Rogue once or twice.

But the peace meant that we could leave her to grow in whichever way she was meant to.

Then the place erupted.

Stalls were overturned,

People were screaming,

Men with FoH armbands marched in.

They ordered every Mutant in the place to come forwards.

No one moved and they opened fire into the crowd,

Confusion,

Running,

People calling to loved ones,

Mutants reaching for their own weapons.

The FoH overturned other stalls,

Each group was creating their own barracks.

Propping up the tables that had been used as stalls,

A place to shoot from and reload without fear of getting shot.

The media flew over head,

Darkness set in.

People who had been shot were moaning.

I was sitting talking with Iceman,

Logan was off growling at others,

Giving orders.

He's quite handy in a fight Logan.

If he gets shot he gets right back up.

Couldn't ask for a better person to take control.

After a few hours I think he was just walking around and getting shot to piss off the FoH

We were lucky to have him there.

There wasn't a shortage of food either.

Where our barracks had been throw together was in the middle of all the food stalls.

They were planning to starve us out.

We could hear them talking.

We were the scums of the earth.

Thing is not even half of those huddled on our side were mutants.

Women hugged their children close.

Setting up was easy.

Logan had up create a double barrier,

The inside one was for those who could not fight.

Women, children, the impaired and the elderly.

Leaving the outer barrier to the handful of those that could fight.

As the night wore on Logan sent Iceman and Jubilee to find a way out.

They returned before daybreak on the third day of the stand off.

Telling everyone to keep as low as possible,

Logan had Jubilee and Iceman escort the ones that couldn't fight out.

Leaving the rest of us to face the FoH.

Admittedly I could have left with Bobby and Jubes,

But I didn't want to leave,

I'd spent a lot of my life hiding,

It was time for me to fight.

Gunfire started as the sun came up.

They had seen the women and children leave.

They had let it happen.

They had given us time to get the 'pure humans' out.

Now that the rest were gone they decided to destroy the mutants remaining.

I took careful note of how many left behind were mutants.

There were 16 base line humans,

8 carriers of the x-gene,

And 5 mutants,

Including myself.

Try pointing that out to the FoH though.

We had taken the day before to reinforce the tables we had overturned.

Logan had encouraged us to 'dig in'

He knew this was going to last for days.

We set up watches,

Logan had hopes that we could talk our way out of it.

At the end of the third day Scott Summers showed up.

The idiot brought us back up.

Guns,

Ammunition.

He brought a reason for the FoH to keep on firing at us.

Lance Alvers was among the group Summers brought.

He grinned at our defences and created a rock barrier to cover them.

The baseline humans in our barracks decided that they were one the loosing side.

Putting their hands in the air they stood,

Stepped over the barrier and offered them selves to the FoH.

16 baseline humans gunned down by the ones trying to protect them.

Blood spattered across the bullet-riddled tables.

With my back pressed against on of the overturned tables I reloaded weapon after weapon.

Watched mutants use their powers.

As I sat reloading a hand touched my arm.

I found myself looking into the wide frightened eyes of a child.

Where she had hidden for six days I didn't know.

She said she was hiding with her friends and could I please come and look at her mummy.

-

I think I've figured out another reason im posting it like this. Its for my sanity. I can't believe some of the things I've written. and ladies and gents. it all starts to go downhill from here.


	4. Knot four : Situation Critical

Warning : Death... and Scott... (hey not everyone likes him.)

-

HerHands

-

The child stood directly in front of Cathryn, she had beautiful blue eyes, and angelic golden curls encircled her tear streaked face. A scared angel in the middle of a dark and desolate place. Cathryn stopped half way through loading the gun and stared in disbelief. The child blinked, Cathryn blinked back, and then she looked around expecting to see a white light calling her to heaven, thinking the child was an angel sent by god.

"Can. you help us?" the child sobbed, small tears running down her face leaving paths in the dirt.

"Us?" Cathryn was stunned, if there were children left, in the middle of a battle.It was too horrible to comprehend.

"Me and my brothers, and our mommy. She's asleep. We can't wake her up, can you wake her up?" Had the sound of gun fire and the screams in the air stopped it would have been possible to hear Cathryn's heart break in that one moment.

"Sure. Show me where she is." the smile was false, trying to keep the child hopeful.

"Please hurry... she won't wake up and were scared."

-

Her name was Mary-Anne,

I crawled after her,

Encouraging her to keep low.

Her head didn't even reach the top of the turned over tables.

She stopped at a group of tables that were stacked together.

Miraculously untouched by bullets.

She motioned me inside.

Her mother was dead.

But her friends were alive.

Three boys.

All around her age.

The oldest of them wasn't over the age of thirteen.

Their father,

They said,

Had told them to hide with their mother.

"But she looked up and then she fell down"

She had taken a bullet between the eyes,

One single shot.

I assumed their father was one of the baselines that offered himself to the FoH.

I motioned them to come with me.

Led them back to Logan.

I swear he paled when he saw them,

He had been yelling at Scott,

Calling him an idiot.

The minute I crawled up with the four little one in tow,

His entire face changed.

So did Scott's.

I was urged to get them out.

I was ordered to get myself out.

Some bull shit about it being a mans war.

That they didn't want me to come back.

Then Scott dropped the bombshell,

-

"Pierre and Remy took a vote. If you aren't back at the club tonight they are coming in after you." Scott crossed his arms and looked at Logan for reinforcements. Logan nodded; one of the boys had crawled into his lap and snuggled there. I was to busy thinking about Remy and Pierre to notice it then but looking back; I think Logan found his peace there, with the child asleep on him. Scott giving me my opition broke the tender moment.

"So you are leaving. With these children and the other junior x men." He glared at me, trying to make me agree with him.

"My heroes, But my concern is with the other forty odd people, who are stuck in the heat of a battle they can not possibly win" Logan cleared his throat. I knew he was on Scott's side. He glanced down at the child asleep in his lap in a fatherly fashion and looked at me with the same eyes. He sighed.

"Look Cathryn, the FoH are bringing in more and more troops, I'm sending you and all the other young ones out. That includes the junior X-men and the brotherhood. You're all on the same team. Get to the Mutant Pitt, they've set up a makeshift hospital there and from what I've been told about the defences everyone there will be safe." Jubilee, Bobby, Rogue, Lance, Toad and Amara crawled into what had been thoughtfully nicknames 'HQ.' apparently they weren't happy with Logan and Scott's decision, this created a heated argument between those that wanted to stay and fight, And Logan and Scott.

In the end Logan and Scott won.

-


	5. Knot five : Innocence Lost

Warning : Child Death.. : If you dont want to read this chapterI truly understand.

-

Her Hands

-

Lance,

Toad,

Amara,

The four children,

Rogue,

Bobby,

Jubilee,

And I all crawled along the path to our supposed freedom.

Gunshots grew further and further away,

We crawled for what seemed like miles.

A wooden maze that had been created in the first battle,

And left there,

Just in case.

Lance took the lead,

Amara following close behind.

Rogue just behind Amara.

It was agreed that the four children needed to be kept in the middle.

I was just behind them,

Bobby and Jubilee crawling side by side behind me,

And Toad brought up the rear.

Gunfire close to us causes us all to pause.

We must have crawled towards another battle.

I rolled over and lay on my back,

Staring up at the buildings surrounding us to get my bearings.

Four streets from the Mutant Pit.

My club,

My home,

My sanctuary.

I motioned to Lance that we needed to go there,

A voice rang across the empty street.

"Mary Anne?"

The young girl started.

The voice was male,

I assumed it was her father.

She stood up,

She...

The single shot of a gun rang out.

She crumpled dead before me.

Her face half torn from her body.

The force of the bullet had ruined her angelic looks.

One of the young boys cried out,

He too stood.

Lance grabbed at him,

But it was too late.

If only he had moved faster.

If only...

War has many horrors,

And many more regrets.

The two remaining children crawled sobbing towards the club.

A block away the crawl planks ended abruptly.

There was nothing left to hide behind.

Very cautiously we looked around for any signs of danger.

Nothing.

The entire street was dead.

The front doors of the club not a half a block away.

Maybe 50 feet at the most.

Lance pulled Toad aside and whispered in his ear.

Toad gathered one of the remaining children in his arms and leapt the full 50 meters to the front doors.

The door opened and he was pulled inside.

Disappearing from our view.

Lance nodded to Amara who gathered up the other child.

She cradled him for a moment before rising to her feet.

Running for her life Amara made it to the club doors and was also pulled to safety.

Rogue went next,

Sprinting as Bobby and Jubilee provided her with a cover of ice and fireworks.

Lance suggested that he and I go last.

Bobby and Jubilee took this as their cue to run towards the door.

As they reached safety Jubilee looked back and waved at us,

Motioning to us to hurry.

As I was bracing to run Lance grabbed my upper arm.

I looked at Lance questioning him.

He grinned and pulled up the leg of his jeans.

A semi healed bullet wound nestled half way up his calf.

Lance and I gauged the distance between the club and where we were when we heard them.

The tell tale sound of boots clumping along the street.

The snapping of cartridges as guns were re-loaded.

With no more thought we both threw ourselves into a dead sprint,

I reached the door first,

I looked back for Lance,

He was crumpled half way between the FoH soldiers and me.

The door opened and Remy's face peeked out,

Just as I turned back to help Lance,

He reached for me,

I slipped out of his reach and moved towards Lance.

He frowned up at me,

Waving me back.

The FoH Soldiers smiled like predators.

They had found something to sport with.

As I reached forLance they opened fire.

His blood splashed across my clothing,

It was warm.

I looked into his eyes,

Pain beyond pain,

They died before me.

Then Remy grabbed me.

Grasping me firmly by the upper arm he dragged me into the club.

The doors slammed shut.

I threw myself against them.

Lance was still alive; we had to get him inside.

Gunfire rang out in the street.

-

Lance

-

Sobbing I slid down the doors.

Pierre was there,

Speaking,

Stroking my hair.

Every word he uttered loving.

At that moment I knew I hated the FoH and Mitchell.

But I hated myself more,

I could have helped Lance.

Saved the lost children.

There had to be something I could do.

Remy motioned for me to go into the back room of the club.

In to the big dance floor.

A makeshift hospital had been set up.

Hank McCoy was bounding between bleeding people.

A bottle of white spirits in his hand,

He was using it to clean wounds.

I looked around at the injured and felt a flood of relief,

Here was something I could do.

From no where Xavier appeared.

He touched my hand and I turned to him.

His eyes were unreadable.

He nodded at me.

-

"Your fight comes after all this, when the world needs rebuilding." His voice was gentle, but his eyes were stern, he was commanding her, telling her what to do.

"I'm not a fighter. I'm useless." Cathryn's mind was still back with Lance. Thinking about what she could have done "I could have pulled him along with me, I was fine, and Remy could have grabbed Lance." She shook her head trying to bring her mind back into focus. Xavier did something no one had never seen him do to anyone before; he pulled Cathryn down to his level in a single violent tug. Grasped both of her wrists and shook her hard.

"Look around you, this isn't useless, this is what every mutant needs. A sanctuary, some where to hide. Its solid and no one can get in unless they go through the front doors. When all of this is over you are going to be part of what rebuilds the world."

-

That said he let me go.

I moved among the wounded helping Hank.

Bandaging wounds,

Resetting bones,

I pulled out my contacts and used my powers to their full extent.

I saw bullets where Hank could not and removed them.

We worked contumaciously for 56 hours.

As Hank and I took a break Logan and his group came in.

Injuries,

Bleeding,

Broken limbs.

By that time Hank and I worked as a well run team,

We gauged who would survive longer.

And who would not survive.

It was cruel,

Dividing people up into groups.

Playing God.

But without that choice being made many lives would have been lost,

We couldn't risk losing many in the hope of keeping one or two alive.

It wasn't until we had all those injured settled in the makeshift cots that Pierre finally approached me.

Placing a hand on my shoulder he told me to rest.

Until he mentioned sleep I hadn't realised how tired I was.

Rogue was helping Hank,

I finally took a moment to study her,

Her eyes were hardened against the pain around her,

She was the only one in the room around my age,

Looked like she was hardened in battle,

I guess like Logan and Remy she had been fighting all her life.

Xavier had mentioned something to me,

About Rogue,

He wanted to talk about our plan B,

Once everything was back and working at the institute.

He loves his institute,

It's his world,

Like my club is my world.

Anything outside of it just doesn't work for him.

To him what he is doing is right,

Nothing else matters,

He's like Magneto in that respect.

I watched Rogue working with Hank.

Xavier was watching her as well,

It was easy to see in his eyes that he was thinking about her,

What he could do with her,

I was thinking about her as well.

And the price she would eventually pay.

What price has to be paid to save the world?

Xavier had spoken to me about Mitchell.

Said that he needed to be stopped.

It seemed that I wasn't the only one that Xavier was counting on to rebuild the world.

Rogue looked different without her Gothic make-up on.

Some how she seemed real.

Pierre carried me to an area set up for resting.

I slept.

When I woke I worked on the wounded again.

It wasn't until the beginning of the fourth day trapped in the club that Scott noticed the blood.

I was bleeding.

I hadn't noticed it.

I had taken a bullet when the FoH had opened fire on Lance and me.

I hadn't noticed at all.

Not the pain,

Not the blood.

Nothing.

When Scott noticed I didn't believe him.

But when I looked for myself it was there.

Remy, Pierre, Logan and Scott held me down

So Hank had a chance to pull it out of me.

I didn't want it taken out.

I wanted to keep it in me.

Some sort of a sadistic badge of honour.

My last link to my humanity I guess.

Once I'd been bandaged up I wasordered to sit.

Rogue wandered over to keep me company.

We talked about menial things,

Formed some form of friendship.

Despite everything Xavier said about her,

Underneath all the angst and the pain she carries,

She was still a human being,

A young girl in the middle of a war,

Just like me.

I couldn't stand it,

What we were going to have to get her to do.

What she was going to become because of Charles and I.

I couldn't sit there as if nothing was going to happen.

I stood and looked around to make sure no one else was watching.

And I told her I was going.

She looked surprised.

I told her that I had to leave.

She didn't try to talk me out of it.

I guess Xavier told her to expect it of me.

After all he sent her to me.

And leave I did.

I slipped out the back door of the club while the guard was busy.

I felt guilty,

Like I was walking out on the only real family I had.

Xavier must have read my thought.

His voice flooded my mind telling me to run until I was needed.

I fled.

Not escaping my guilt.

But escaping him.

-

At this point I really dont know what to say... so.. please Review. Devyl


	6. The Final Knot : Her Hands

I went to Nathaniel Essex.

The only one I knew I could trust.

He hid me.

For a long time.

I used to go out when he thought I was studying or sleeping.

Armed with two swords.

From my days as a Hellfire Club Acolyte,

Technically I still am an Acolyte,

But I'd finally found something to do with the training that I'd received.

Flashing into a FoH camp and fighting the men.

I guess I was tempting fate.

Going against what Xavier had told me to do.

I didn't want to hide in the shadows while others fought for my freedom.

I wanted to fight for my freedom.

I became obsessed with the idea.

But time turns and people find things out,

When Nathaniel discovered me sneaking out of his lab,

Armed and dressed in leather he hit the roof.

Started locking me in.

Xavier had spoken with Nathaniel,

He cordially requested that Sinister keep me out of trouble.

When Xavier requested to see me,

I'd been locked up in Nathaniel's lab for eight weeks.

I was sent to see Charles,

And the hammer fell,

He told me he was sending Rogue to me,

To be ready to do anything and everything to make sure she was ready when Mitchell resurfaced.

I said 'ok' shook his hand and was escorted back to Nathaniel's lab.

Then one black night Rogue came to me.

She had found me on one of my trips to the club,

She walked in,

Asking for help.

Knowing it was not the time for fighting I hid her.

In plain sight of the hunting squads.

While Nathaniel kept me out off the FoH mutant radar,

It took us a week or more to figure out how to mask Rogues mutant signal.

When we had it figured out I sent her out onto the street.

I couldn't bear to look into her eyes.

I was afraid she would label me a traitor.

By that time anything could be done had been done,

The war was over.

The government had begun executing the war criminals.

Mutants were divided.

Directly after Scott Summers was executed.

Xavier told me that the time had come.

It was time to gather the forces.

To get mutants back together.

To save what remained.

I reopened the club.

Letting painful memories wash over me as I scrubbed blood off the floors,

Burnt sheets,

Tided things up.

When it reopened you could never have told it was used as a hospital for the dead and the dying.

But if the walls could speak...

-

"Cathryn?" Chal looked up from the letter she was reading and looked at the young woman standing at the door of her office.

"Yeah Rogue? What's on your mind?" Cathryn sat back regarding the woman in front of her the face was pale, the eyes sunken in and beneath the surface of the eyes a fire burnt. A dark fire, burning with passion, hungry for revenge.

"I've found a way for us to stop the agency and what they are doing to mutants." Cathryn nodded, waiting for Rogue to lay her plan on the table. "I want to form a fighting force against the agency"

"Like the X-men?"

"No, not like the X-men. A group that will do anything to get rid of the agency."

"Even kill?" Rogue nodded slowly.

"That's the only way we can be sure that we'll get rid of every bastard that ever hated mutants." Cathryn looked at Rogue with serious eyes.

"Who do you have in mind?"

"I recently came in contact with a mutant codenamed Animal. She hates the agency with a passion; she said she knew a few others that would help." Looking back at the letter on her desk Cathryn sighed.

"I'm willing to fund it Rogue, as long as you're prepared to run it." Rogue nodded thoughtfully. "Well need a base, weapons, transportation, computers with internet access, communication tools things like that." Cathryn nodded.

"Make a list for me; list everything you need and its yours. As for a base, there are a couple of places I've been looking at for you; I'll just find some place bigger. How many people do you think you'll include in your group?"

"I don't know. Eight, no more than that. Too many and people start taking notice."

"I agree. So big place, training room things like that. Let me know what you need and I'll get it done." A rare smile crossed Rogues face.

"Thanks Cathryn." Cathryn returned the smile.

"That's what I'm here for." Rogue turned to leave.

"Oh Rogue? Try not to recruit people that are out for straight vengeance. Help them see the bigger picture." Rogue looked over her shoulder at Cathryn and nodded.

"I can do that. I'll get started on that list." Cathryn nodded and held her smile until she heard the door at the top of the stairs shut. She let out a sigh and looked at the letter on her desk and then at the black armband with the white double helix stitched into it.

'_Dear mutant, _

_It is with great pride that we the mutant registration and control board presents you with this arm band that will be used to identify you for what you are in public._

_As you can see the stitching is of a fine thread, forming a double helix. _

_Over the next few months it will become mandatory for mutants all over the world to wear these arm bands. As you are an important and functioning member of society we are asking you to set an example and wear it when ever you go out into pure public. _

_Yours sincerely. _

_Major Fredric Stockton_

Cathryn walked to her window, looked out at the street below and watched Rogue disappear, hoping that this was the idea that would bring the agency to its knees. Knowing Rogue was the only one who could do it. She walked back to her desk and Dialed a phone number.

"Hello, Charles?"

-

Ivy,

A young mutant that I had tended too during the war,

I had spoken to Ivy,

Steered her towards Rogue,

Rogue didn't know that.

I listened intently,

Rogues ambitions to have a group of mutants to face what was to come.

It was wonderful

She reminded me of myself before the wars started.

I agreed with what she said.

It was time for mutants to reunite.

I let Rogue know exactly what Xavier told me to tell her.

How they had taken a number of mutant's hostage,

Against orders I told her what I had learnt from Nathaniel.

How the FoH no longer existed,

That what remained had become a government-funded group called the Agency.

Rogues anger at the Agency was nothing compared to what she feels for them now.

Between Rogue and me the world was meant to be saved.

The bad guys were going to be defeated,

Mutants and Baseline Humans were going to live together in peace.

That is just a dream now.

I still have that bullet they pulled out of me.

I wear it around my neck.

As a reminder of what the past was like.

Now the future looks Shaky as well.

People are falling apart

Blaming each other for what is happening around them.

And I don't have the answers I wish I did.

I don't think anyone knows what is going to happen next.

How can we?

A future built on a faltering peace,

Is not a future.

Baseline humans are still abusing mutants.

Its time that we stopped asking ourselves,

'When will it end?'

We need to change our tune.

Because the old ways aren't working anymore.

No one is positive that anything is going to change.

And with the agency forcing mutants to attack others,

The future is looking quite dismal.

The only thing I can say that has truly changed is me.

I'm no longer the naive child I was when the war broke out.

I don't think anyone is as they were before all this started.

Isn't that a great foundation to rebuild a world on?

I am alone in this battle now,

I'm sure before long I'm going to do something either incredibly heroic,

Or incredibly stupid.

The Rose's don't need me anymore,

They don't want me.

And I don't blame them,

I'm surprised that Ivy didn't kill me outright,

Everything that has happened was my fault.

So with arms wide open I await the final chapter of this horror.

Everything within me is gone.

There is nothing more I can do.

It's all in her hands now.

-

_Crimson Waves wash over you,_

_Why bother to pretend,_

_Stop asking when the end will come_

_Ask 'Will it ever end?'_

_Time tick by relentlessly,_

_I'm just counting days,_

_The sun sinks in a darkened Sky,_

_She's the one I couldn't save_

-

Fin...


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